...and when you finally have everything within your reach, and the slow realization sinks in that you will never be satisfied; that is when you'll appreciate futility.
One of the bright sides is that I didn't have time to be somber before. I was more exhausted than I realized without hindsight, but I was occupied. I was also happy. Not to say that I'm not now happy but these are two separate types of happiness. One being tangible and the other being possible. The thing about possible happiness, the state of having the entire catalogue of possibility before you, is that if you realize any on particular avenue of happiness then you're bottle-necked. Pigeon holed. It's like watching the entire series of LOST only to get pissed off when all the theories and questions get swept aside by culmination.